My name's Eliane and this is my story. I think at the time when I was younger, I believed that there was a God, in the same way that Einstein believed God exists, but I didn't think he was overtly moving in my life. When I was around 15 I started getting really interested into quantum physics. I started reading into that and around that same summer when I was 15 - I just started seeing things, I started seeing things - I'd see the room moving, I'd see particles moving whilst I was conscious and it got to such an extent by the time I was going into sixth-form for the first time, that these images were coming so strong that I couldn't tell what was real and what wasn't real. It got to one point where I used to feel knives going through my head. It was a very full on, sensory experience. Visuals, hallucinations, everything." It was one point where I called my brother, I said: "Edwin I can't do this any longer, I can't live like this, I can't switch of my head - it's going to be suicide, there's no other way, it has to be the way. I said God just help me, help me, help me. I kind of found that trusting in God was very difficult, when you don't even know what is real and what isn't real. But I think what God has made real to me, was that you can still find an anchor in Christ, even when you don't know what is real, what isn't real. God supersedes the conscious mind, He's outside of our minds, He's outside of knowledge, He's outside of everything. So I don't know if it was an angel, God sent to me - Eliane, you can do it, keep on going, you're gonna be okay, you promise you're gonna stay alive, you're gonna do this, your not going to kill yourself and it just kept me going. By the grace of God, I managed to be out of hospital in November 2013. Illness is still a part of my life, but I'm very much more a healthy person. I can function like a human being, but peace, that's it, like peace. I used to have such bad anxiety I thought I'd get a heart condition. I wouldn't trade that for anything. That's what God has given to me that I did not have before, peace, peace of mind. I think this is the big thing about faith which I hopefully can help other believers who have mental disorders, just because you're struggling with an illness you hear voices in your head, doesn't mean God doesn't exist, doesn't mean God doesn't love you Sometimes suffering has a place, and I think that something that's neglected and I feel like my walk through illness has kind of taught me that.
Eliane’s story was produced by the Evangelical Alliance with the support of
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